Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
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