Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
