I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
