if you like me you must not know who I am
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
