Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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