Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
