we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
