First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
