dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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