she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
