I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Did you pee in the oven last night??
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
