Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
