you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
