Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
