I have demons in me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
