It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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