So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
