I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
