11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
