I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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