Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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