is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
