Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
