I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
