i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
