Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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