I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Randomize
