from now on my penis is your penis
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
