I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
