is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
