batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
