You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
