Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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