Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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