all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
