She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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