Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Rumble strips road head = magical
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
