it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
