Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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