I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
