Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
