arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
