i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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