I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
