Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
im on a boat
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