Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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