Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
