my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have aggressive nipples.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
