I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
