You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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