yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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