he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
