The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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