these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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